The majority of people have gone on a date with someone they thought they hit it off with, only to find out in the coming weeks that they’ve been ghosted. While it’s incredibly disheartening, no matter who you are, when a spouse does it, it’s even worse. Isabelle Glastonbury from Australia shared her own account of how her husband just up and left without a word.
Australian Bombshell is Ghosted
Isabelle Glastonbury thought she met the love of her life in 2015. She began dating a man from Texas, whose identity has remained anonymous. The pair had a spectacular dream wedding, paid for by her parents, in 2018. They relocated from the United States back to Australia, where they shared an apartment while he waited for his spousal visa to come through. Isabelle is so lucky to have such kind and supportive parents because they paid for the wedding and shelled out another $10,000 to help Isabelle’s then-husband pay for the whole application process.
Just under two and a half years later, in 2021, the visa was approved. Ironically, while most visa approvals mean new adventures begin, in Isabelle’s situation, it led to her world crashing down around her. One day later, she got home, and her husband had left, taking “about 90 percent of his things” with him. “I tried logging into our immigration accounts, I had been locked out of everything, my credit cards were maxed out, and I was blocked on his phone, none of my calls or messages going through.” She explained.
“He ghosted everyone – all of our mutual friends, the best man from our wedding and his own family, no-one knew where he was.” Isabelle further disclosed.
Noting the Signs
Hindsight is something pretty powerful, considering she ultimately reflected back and acknowledged she should have seen that coming. “He had become distant and started disappearing at night, I felt like I was married to a complete stranger.” She shared. The couple had a brief face-to-face shortly after where he vaguely explained he “had to be single“.
In the meantime, several friends and family reported him to immigration, but nothing came of it. Thus far, he’s been allowed to stay on the visa for which her parents paid. “So many people reported him to immigration, and nothing happened,” she said. “I have such a problem with the visa situation, literally people can leave and have no repercussions or be forced to have any accountability.”
Likely feeling, among other things, betrayed and left with some trust issues, Isabelle picked up the pieces of her life and moved forward. Eventually, rekindling a relationship with her high school sweetheart. She and her new, old, love have recently welcomed a baby boy named Mason. The couple is thriving, and Isabelle is bravely sharing her story so that other women will know better than to “turn a blind eye to their spouse’s suspicious behavior.”
Data Regarding Being Ghosted
Because being ghosted is actually pretty common, there’s been a number of tests and studies done to find out a few things about.
Firstly, why do people get ghosted? According to Psychology Today, there are 5 common reasons why someone might ‘ghost’ another person.
- Convenience. It’s much easier to ghost someone than it is to step up and be accountable. After all, having a face-to-face could lead to an emotional encounter and most people struggle to face their own emotions, let alone the emotions of someone they’ve just hurt.
- Attractiveness. This one applies mostly to online dating. It’s what happens when a person finds someone else, they’re more attracted to or compatible with, and just stops responding, rather than just communicating about where they stand.
- Negative Valence interaction. Essentially, stating they had lost interest after their partner did something questionable or unfavorable.
- Significance. People ghosted others based on how few dates they’d gone on or how casual the relationship was.
- Safety. While this is obviously a potentially justified reason, it’s still important to note.
Furthermore, some participants also expressed a lack of communication skills, due to social anxiety or low self-esteem.
Secondly, how does being ghosted impact the brain, or heart? Unsurprisingly, when someone is ghosted, they’re left with a significant number of problems, including:
- Low self-esteem.
- Lack of Closure or Clarity
- Low self-worth
- Guilt or Remorse for Unknown Reasons (If I’d just…differently, then maybe…)
- Inhibited Ability for Future Intimacy
Coping with Being Ghosted
Lastly, what are some helpful coping skills to get through the pain of being ghosted? Some are easier said than done, but many will help to ease the pain of being ghosted.
- Don’t Blame Yourself. Without closure or an explanation, it’s easy to take on the weight of a failed relationship. However, in most cases, a person who’s been ghosted, did nothing to provoke that.
- Bask in Self-Love. This can help mend a broken heart and give you a newfound sense of confidence.
- Seek Professional Help. Being ghosted is a form of emotional abuse so seeking support from a professional can give clarity on things that play games with the mind.
- Stay Busy. Keep yourself occupied so your mind and heart stay busy. Pursue an old passion or find new hobbies to enjoy.
- Move On. By moving forward, you’ll be able to remove any power the person who ghosted you may have over you or your life.
Being ghosted is an all-too-common occurrence that can actually cause more pain and damage than just having an open, upfront, and honest conversation about where everyone stands.