Ср. Апр 17th, 2024

Sylvester Stallone has spent a lot of time lately turning down offers from woke companies. The latest, a $25 million bid from Target, shows just how far the leftists will go to steer our favorite celebrities to their side.

“I’m not sure who decided Sly was woke,” said his manager, Joe Barron, “But they were way off. He’s a God-fearing American who has portrayed one of the most patriotic people in our nation’s great history: John Rambo.”

He was also instrumental in saving the two turtles from the original Rocky movie and then there’s the cool story about his dog. Sly is a national treasure, so when he says “I won’t go woke,” it means something.

Stallone joins Denzel Washington, Michael Jordan, and — if you listen to the SpaceX Mania guy — Angelina Jolie for some reason in disavowing the entire ideology of wokeness.

ALLOD Entertainment Journalisticalist Tara Newhole says that unfortunately, the facts of the story may be slightly less than factual, if they exist at all. “This one really has me baffled,” she said, “It’s almost like we’re doing the South Park thing where they make fun of Family Guy with manatees.”

Newhole may be onto something. In the interest of generating more content, the time has come to be more like SpaceX Dude and tell the same story four hundred different ways.

“That’s what I’d do,” said Stephen King, “You should use me again for sure.” We certainly will, Mr King. God Bless America.